I Want To Go To There (My Blog, Obviously)

I should start out by saying that I’ve been watching 30 Rock for three hours and it’s 6 a.m. I’m pretty much nocturnal (aka delusional), which aides my odd eating habits (entire box of See’s Candy suckers anyone? The vanilla flavored ones have the weirdest texture…), nostalgic Facebook stalking of ex-loves, and generally thinking it is a good idea to create a blog.

I have come to the conclusion that although Liz Lemon on 30 Rock is generally a character who makes people feel better about their own lives, Lemon and I share a little too much in common for me to delude myself into thinking that is the case with me. Observe:

Liz Lemon, getting out of jury duty

and...

Me, getting out of ever having a relationship with a normal human male

Mainly, this is because my life revolves around snack food, accidentally falling in love with gay men (but they have such nice hair…) and being hopelessly single. Naturally, instead of jumping straight for the plastic bottle of Malibu to drown my sorrows (classy-ass stuff, Malibu), I consume inordinate amounts of expensive lingerie (somehow the nicer it gets, the less guys are interested in it), vintage shoes, and jumbo-cartons of goldfish. Consume has two meanings here. Just thought I should point that out.

In other news, did I mention that I got a cat since I can’t get a boyfriend? Yeah. That happened. Plus, the only reason he loves me is because I feed him. Which, if I had a boyfriend, might be a similar situation...

I would also like to point out that my browser history for the last few hours is as follows:

http://www.manrepeller.com/

http://gofugyourself.com/

http://foodporndaily.com/

Now, my life could easily spiral downwards into complete and utter self-pity, but instead, I've decided it's internet worthy. Which is pretty much the same thing anyways. This blog will be littered (and yes, I am implying it will be absolute garbage) with my stories, awkward unphotogenic facebook photos, and general failures of modern life.

My most immediate goals are to stay awake until at least 6 pm so that I can watch the Oscars in bed eating ramen. Also, judging by how much my jaw hurts to close, those last See's candies were not a great idea; mental note to not order another box via Amazon.com (even if they do come in two days, with free shipping).

On a long-term scale, I am hoping my foray into humor on my resume will at least get me a job outside of my home-town this summer so I won't have to endure my relatives' general confusion as to why I am a complete loser. Also, I'm hoping Netflix puts season 5 of 30 Rock on Instant Play, because I'm almost done with season 4...

And because everyone knows that text in blogs is just a way to separate pictures:

I really want a sandwich now